Midnight Rambles with the letters S, F, and Various Little Words

The perspective was off, the walls slanting outwards and the ceiling sloping downwards, to the back of the strange room, the ominous music permeated the air, humidity on a hot summer evening. We wished we could leave and go anywhere but here, stuck stolidly to the solid sliding floor, fixated, fascinated, salivating monstrously. The storm stopped, and the tension broke, and all the laughter came bubbling up, sour and foul, rotted with mold of kindness. Stratified, stupefied, we stood there staring, staring, at the starry starry sky behind our whetted eyes, as bulging tears laboured down down down to quaver on the tip of our silky chin. Lights, the light, frolicking flicking fraying to the ends of the salubrious space, fawning on the fickle gaze of our smooth smiling eyes. Salaciously our sound soared around the confines of feasible ability. Our faces slack with furious fallacies tumbling downward into the featureless night. Fazed and frightened we slowly stalked the sallow rows of fallow fate, finding only silent salutes. Many fox-eyed foreigners sighed silent as we passed, facing only the enviable emptiness. We found ourselves sitting finessed by slight variations in the vaporous beyond, watching the vacuous mass wither and slip slightly against the voluminous glittering glass slag that sat perpendicular to the feeble slab, fishing in the darkness for a single strand of hope finding little motes of flowing feelings, greed, lust, joy, finding scintillating stores of faith in a fading light. Lower and lower to a dim vestige of damp, cold and wet, dripping for the sake of dripping, grim and drawn, sliding to rest and the very bottom of our soul.

The Legends of King Arthur Debunked

Well I've been reading a lot of Tolkien lately and he's said one of the reasons he wrote Lord of the Rings was because England didn't have a mythology, and he wanted to create one for the land he loved. That is one of the reasons I'm writing today. The other is that I woke up with this random idea in my head and needed to tell someone about it.

England did have King Arthur. But King Arthur is not a myth. Not to say it's real, it's just a folk story that's not a myth. Besides it mostly came from the French and doesn't count as a real mythology anyway.

First of all, well maybe not first but I'm starting with it anyways, the sword in the stone. Now if I was a powerful wizard and happened to need a way to find the king and happened to have the kings sword I wouldn't just stick it in a stone and go: there that's done, whomsoever can remove this sword will be king! No no no, far too simplistic. Needs some more imagination. I would stab the sword into a dragons back and put it to sleep with my magic awesomeness in a deep dark cave until someone removed the sword. Then the dragon would wake and the King, or supposed king, would have to kill the dragon to escape the cave. That would be one way to do it.

Secondly, Sir Kay. If I were King Arthur and I grew up with this bastard of a step brother I certainly would not just let him join my round table; hell, especially after he tried to claim the kingship for himself. As soon as I became king I would have him beheaded for being a little bitch.

Thirdly, knights of the round table?!? That is an absolutely ridiculous name for the society of elite knights who defend the kingdom. Why are they called this? Because they meet at a round table. Preposterous. I would give them a name worthy of their stature. Something like, Knights of Supreme Awesomeness, or Knights of the round table: Destroyers of All who Oppose Us, Holy Armored Taskforce, Elite Knights of The King. Also it just opens them up for mockery and ridicule, hence the Monty Python song.

Fourthly, excaliber. A magic sword. Hidden in a Lake. It had to be magic otherwise it would rust. How did the lady of the lake get it? Who knows. Is it the same  as the sword in the stone? Again who knows. More importantly who has it now? A sword that makes it's owner undefeatable would be pretty handy. Again, I have to say, Who knows? This whole magic sword thing is pretty vague to say the least.

Fifthly, the holy grail. The holy grail, a special cup touched by Jesus, or some other religious malarkey. The grail the grail we must have the grail. And they go on a massive quest or something. Not really sure what it has to do with King Arthur but it was in the monty python film so it must be true. Magical and Sacred objects certainly have their place in mythology. A magic sword is fine, it's sharp and pointy, you can poke people with it. But a cup? Really? What does it do? Oh Jesus touched it. Maybe. It doesn't even endlessly fill itself with you're favorite liquid. If I had a magical cup in some mythology it would be like one of the goblets in the Norse tradition, that would always be full of mead or some other such strong alcohol, that would be pretty useful.

Lastly, well not lastly but the last thing I'm going to cover (in addition to the end note) is Merlin. Merlin the mighty wizard, who leads Arthur to Excalibur, said to be a shape shifter, able to prophesize great events. And yet he gets trapped in a tree. While I'll give points for creativity on behalf of Nimue, this doesn't paint Merlin in a very positive light, this powerful wizard getting trapped in a tree? His PR team must have had a heyday. Really Merlin, trapped in a tree, you couldn't get out, a likely excuse.

All in all the legends of King Arthur does make for a romping good tale, epic quests, brave knights etc, but it hardly qualifies as mythology. In the end I would have to agree with Tolkien and label it an extensive fable, not a mythology.

As and end note let me point out that most mythologies I know of involve Gods and Goddesses of some kind e.g. Greek mythology with Zeus Hera Aphrodite, Hades Poseidon etc. Norse mythology with Odin, Thor, Freya, Baldor, etc. Egyptian mythology with Ra, Horus, Osiris, Isis, Anubis, etc.  The Legends of King Arthur have no gods, or goddesses. The closest they come is a wizard, Merlin, and the Lady of the Lake, both of whom are not deities. While brave and powerful knights are certainly great beings they are human, not gods, not even half-gods, or demigods.