Fenwick 4

Episode IV: A New Hope*

Previously on Fenwick the Ordinary Guy in Very Strange Circumstances, (Parts One, Two, and Three, they are awesome you really should read them before you read this) Fenwick was not told much of anything, apparently all the useful stuff was confidential, and found himself in a very strange room with a very strange guy. He was so confused and disturbed he ran screaming from the room (well not quite, he actually left fairly normally, he tried to leave discreetly but he didn't think it quite worked) Will Fenwick finally be told anything? Will he know what the hell is going on? and will he be offered a hot drink? Find out in this weeks episode of FENWICK, the ordinary guy in very strange circumstances!!
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With the urgent and horrified calls of the crazy in the bedoping room in his ears, following him down the hallway, Fenwick decided to do some exploring on his own. His main goal in this was to find an exit from this crazy maze of hallways and corridors.

He saw a door marked creative repository #76. He opened the door and went in and went inside. Inside he found rows upon rows of neatly kept bottles. He looked closer and saw that all of these bottles had names on them.

“ John Reed, Betty Reders, Marcus Holloway………”

Fenwick wondered why the names were on there he opened a bottle and:

A thousand fireworks filled with crunchy nougat centers exploded while effervescing bagpipes waxed eloquent about the perceived rapturous joy of a fiber filled breakfast. Street shops sold promises without a guarantee leaving the leprechauns short on gold. newspaper boys screamed the morning news including but not limited to the migration of crystal butterflies made from the shards of the sweet smelling candy cane trees being the reason that the clouds of smoke rise filling the air with the not so unforgettable visions of waltzing gnomes, moistened and ground to a fine paste for a dragons morning breakfast and….Fenwick shut the bottle.

“Hmm, that’s weird” he said.                                                                                                                   

Fenwick took the bottle and left the room, bottle in hand. Not knowing where to go, he wandered back to the bedoping room, losing his way a total of seven times. He braced himself as he opened the door anticipating, but not looking forward to, the confused feeling that he had experienced before. When he opened the door the feeling did not come however. The bedoping machine was silent and fins was having a cup of what Fenwick thought was coffee. Yes, he could smell it now. It was coffee.

“Sit down lad, have a cup.”
Fins held out a cup to him and he took it.
“Well what’s your story lad”
“I can’t find my pants”

"I see” Fins said looking as if he genuinely understood what the hell Fenwick meant by this. In fact, he seemed almost normal now.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking but what does the bedoping machine actually do?” Fenwick said.

Fins shrugged “Not really sure about that myself. I do know that It was invented by accident, sort of like the slinky or silly putty or summin’ like that. The problem is that as soon as it is turned on it becomes impossible to know what it is doing or if it is doing anything for that matter. All I know about the machine is how to turn it on and off and that pushing buttons gets results.”

“What results?” Fenwick said, knowing already what the answer would be.  

"Well, y'nkow, I really would like to tell you but I'm 'fraid I can't do that, not authorized y'now."

“I knew it. Hmph. So what am I supposed to do?” said Fenwick, feeling a little cheated. It seemed when you didn't know something you said you weren't authorized to say anything about it.
“Well I heard they’re bringing in another machine, maybe the man will have you work it. I hear it’s a new model. You’re lucky you know, most people start off on the assembler. Terrible hours. Sixty three hour days, no joke. They have to stretch time so there’s enough of it. Time is money, you know.”
Fenwick found this odd but by this time he was used to it. Fins went on.
“The problem with stretching time is that it can get too thin and watered down. If you ask me the man started cutting corners as soon as he decided to stretch time. Ain’t natural”
“Wait, the man?”
“ Yeah, the guy with the clipboard. Man, time deficiency is a bitch. The coffee helps though”
Fenwick barely heard this last comment though he was thinking about he was thinking about the man. How he was the only one who seemed to know anything. And how he wouldn't tell Fenwick anything.

Finished and don't know what to do? Read part Five!! The adventure continues....

*Please note, Fenwick, Fenwick the Ordinary Guy in Very Strange Circumstances, FENWICK, the ordinary guy in very strange circumstances, bedopler, bedopling, bedoping, Fireworks with crunchy nougat centers, and coffee, are not endorsed, affiliated, or encouraged by LUCAS FILMS, George Lucas, or Star Wars in any way. In fact it has absolutely nothing to do with epic space battles and evil emperors the only similarity is the fact that it as well as this is a series and this and that both have a number four.

Scotland on the road

I’ve been to some interesting places while I’ve been in Scotland, hiked around Arthur’s seat, been to the national museum, visited the camera obscura, and just a couple hours ago I was at a wiz kalihfa concert. Today I was at St. Giles Cathedral. Though of coarse not the most beautiful church in the entire WORLD it was a beautiful building all the same with just the right ratio of ominous caverness vastness to miniscule minuet inlaid detail to give you that awe inspiring feeling. Funny enough being in that church made me start thinking about death, specifically, people’s attitude towards death. Off the main hall of the church are several little chapels, some were for war memorials, some for councils, and two directly across the hall from each other were two tombs of, and forgive my irreverence, of two guys. One had been executed by the king and the other probably was too but the point being that on each tomb lay their white marble doppelgangers. And standing over one looking down on his pale face it felt as if he was just sleeping. It struck me as funny that so many believe in an immortal soul but we find it comforting to preserve the image of their body as it was when they were alive. Underneath that stone portrait is probably nothing left but a skull. A friend and I were talking about how people freeze themselves and why you would do that. On one hand there is the why not reasoning behind it that since you will already be dead it doesn’t matter that its expensive and perhaps that chance that you may live again is worth it even if you may wake up in a time you don’t belong in or are unwanted. But examining the tombs made me think that the stone carvings were not that different from people freezing themselves. I think the thought of our bodies molding and withering and mildewing and all that other gross stuff it does after we die disturbs us. Now we all aren’t going to freeze ourselves heck some of us might cremate our selves but im sure it’s a concern we all share. And why not be scared of loosing that? We are a very sensual beings where we live through our bodies senses and we benefit from preserving them. In history mummies and monuments have served the same purpose.

Now it is the next day as I head out from Edinburgh to back pack across Scotland. I am right now on the bus for a five hour drive to fort William (a town named after a fort that no longer stands) and at this very moment I am looking out my window on a lake we are passing surrounded by huge majestic hills stirring the low swirling clouds with their  peaks everything is covered in vast fields of grasses and moss and heather and all sorts of grass like plants creating a rich variety. And white and green stones are strewn across the landscape like a heard of moss covered sheep. and in the center of the lake is an island with an over grown ruin of some forgotten stone building that is a common sight here. and now there is a lone tree growing out of a bolder clutching to the stone with its roots. The country side in many ways is a lot like home (Oregon) but it feels, for lack of a less corny term, magical. The views range from charming to truly awesome and is as cool as the ancient architecture of the city of Edinburgh. Okay gotta go there’s a dragon abducting several senior passengers and cackling as he tosses them across the landscape. Later.

Sir Amberfroth out!

Scotland first impressions

 

I’d first like say that I’m in Edinburgh Scotland and that I’m sitting out a windowsill at night in the heart of the city writing this. How much more romantic does it get? I feel a new energy to write and to create and be creative. The taxis are all zooming along taking people to and from the clubs and other hotspots of Edinburgh’s nightlife. The city looks just like it was pulled right out of an illustrated book (that was drawn well) filled with gothic and baroque buildings and the streets are bloody cobblestone! I’ve really wanted to start up writing on a regular basis and though nothings come to me yet I could get truly inspired here I think. Just imagine… I feel like I’m living out of a book right now: a young, finished with school, goes out abroad and out on his own for the first time (if he was to be completely honest) and here I am where everything looks like a castle, a church, or a pub. I haven’t done much yet, went to the national museum of Scotland and walked around town a bit but I find the most amusing encounters I’ve had thus far is how everything (connected to the modern world) is the same as in the states but different and its fine to know what to expect like different outlets, a separate toilet from the bathroom, hanging the laundry out to dry (in a perpetually wet country?) slightly different wording for almost everything, and an on/off switch for EVERYTHING! But it’s nice to not be use to the normal for once. This truly is a ramble about what’s just up with me while I’m in Scotland but what the hey. I’ll continue to post updates when the muse strikes me.

McCalaster out!

Fenwick 3

(When last we left them our brave hero had recently found himself in a strange place without any pants. On attempting to figure out what the hell was going on he met an intellectual looking fellow who tried to explain bedopping to him. Our hero was thoroughly confused. What exactly is bedopping? and where the hell is our hero? Perhaps you will find out, in this weeks episode of Fenwick the Ordinary Guy, in Very Srange Circumstances)


Missed the last two? Not to worry, they are here: Part one  and here: Part two Our deepest apologies for the bizzare font and layout, we have no idea how that happened.

They arrived at the end of the hallway and the heavy iron door was swung open, booming shut behind them when they had passed. The room was large but very narrow and if you concentrated on anything for too long it slowly started to fade away, not in a visual way but it slowly left your consciousness and the moment that you looked back you realized that the thing was gone, making you wonder if the thing you thought was there actually was there. The only thing that was constant was the whirring of an engine, like a loud fan. The man noted Fenwick’s confusion and smiled.

“You get used to it” he said “beddoping takes a lot of concentration”

The man walked to the middle of the room, or what temporarily appeared to be the middle.
“Fins, over here!”
“Eh?”
“Turn the bedopler down, you’re scaring the new guy”
“It’s on low already”

“Turn it off then”

All of the sudden the room was a normal room again, and Fenwick could hear the chuga-chug- chug of the machine winding down. Fins had previously appeared to be standing in four different places at three indistinct moments in time that had elapsed all at once but soon coalesced into one place and time.
The man spoke intelligently,

“What you have just experienced is the result of the beddoping machine process and the dimensional desynchronicity that it radiates onto its surroundings. The physical effect of the machine last only until the machine is turned off and I assure you that aside from the rare case psychological breakdown it is completely harmless”
“What does it do?” said Fenwick
“I am afraid I can’t tell you”
“Don’t tell me, you’re not authorized or something”
“No, we don’t know exactly know what it does but we know that it gets results”
“What do you mean by results?”
“I’m afraid I can’t tell you”
“What, you don’t know what the results or something”
“No, It’s just that I’m not authorized”
“And you don’t know what the beddoping machine does?”
“No”

Fins came and joined the conversation. Fins was hard to describe. Maybe it was a result of
years of working with the bedopping machine. Now his long mustache drooped to his knees. It hadn’t been there a moment ago but then again maybe it had.

“Ach” Fins said as coherently as he could
“Been working overtime I see Mr. Fins”
“Mubwuglidr”
“Well, only two more days ‘till the weekend”
“Fuggbuhnuguht” said Fins failing at conversation even more successfully this time”
“well mr Fenwick is starting today I presume you can show him the ropes”

The man left the room.

“glg” said Fins.

“uh-huh” Fenwick replied, having no idea what Fins just said, 'I know what you mean.” He had no idea.

“glugal inchajim wederfud.”

“I see” said Fenwick, distractedly.

There was not much to do. So he did not do much. Fenwick stood there for a while, listening to the gibberish of a clearly confused and troubled man. After a while he said

“Excuse me, is there someone else to talk to.”

“Ub”

“Okay, I'll be right back” and he headed towards the door.

“SDOD!!” Mr. Fenwick said, with such distress and with such volume that Fenwick stopped.

“Yes? Is it okay if I leave, or is there something I need to do here?”

“Uhg, ye neeth ado shumrint.”

“Yeah, sure. Just let me get my hochriz shadda and umwaf ding.” He left.


The adventure continues in Part Four....