Kumba the King

Motha-fuckin KING!!

Kumba was king. Kumba was king of the motherfucking apes bitches!! And anyone who disagreed, Kumba would personally beat the shit out of, just to prove them wrong. That was how he had gotten to the top, that was how he became king: beating the shit out of all the other apes. Now that he was king, someone even made this awesome badge of him with his awesome crown. He had all his subjects wear it to remind them that he was their king. After a while of being king Kumba realized it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Sure he could beat his chest, pummel anyone who disagreed with him, and bellow as loud as he wanted, but he could no longer go prancing through the jungle like he could before he was king; he could no longer dress up in silly costumes and go around singing ridiculous songs. These things were just not kingly. No self-respecting king would be caught dead in a pirate costume running around the jungle singing "I don't wanna be a chicken I don't wanna be a duck" It wasn't seemly. Eventually beating his chest and the other apes lost its glamour, lost its appeal. Kumba no longer felt very kingly, but he had to stay king because no one had beaten the shit out of him yet. Frankly, he grew bored. Day in day out he could be found, sitting in his kingly throne, staring at the wall, bored out of his mind. 

God I'm sooooo bored.

He thought about letting someone beat him up, then deliberately losing so he could romp around in funny hats singing limericks again. He even we so far as to start the fight, but then he got cought up in it all and ended up beating the shit out of the other ape anyway. Well that won't work, Kumba would have to think of something else.

Breakfast With the Good Numbers

Before work we went to breakfast. We all ambled into the small cafe, the one we knew served the best breakfast, the four of us have been going here pretty regularly for quite some time. We were seated at a square four-person table. The waiter gave us the menu, and it was all in Latin. That would have been a lot more interesting if I read Latin. All in all it was pretty confusing, I just randomly picked something that looked good. This is a sample of the menu (not the whole thing, because I forgot the rest):

-Prandium-

ovi uni, condimentum quis, interdum........................................................................89321

          cum arvina et ustilo....................................................................................48739

uni ovi frixit.....................................................................................................26375

          cum arvina et ustilo....................................................................................34648

ovi cocti unum..................................................................................................83764

          cum arvina et ustilo....................................................................................34867

duo ova, condimentum quis, interdum......................................................................73348

          cum arvina et ustilo...................................................................................67493

ovis duos frixam...............................................................................................59873

          cum arvina et ustilo...................................................................................83744

ova dua cocta..................................................................................................44985

          cum arvina et ustilo...................................................................................69873

ova Benedictus................................................................................................34527

unum subcinericius...........................................................................................65843

duo subcinericius.............................................................................................86493

trebus subcinericius..........................................................................................23984

After ordering I talked with 593029834 and 249850435 a little bit. Then I watched the street and spaced out while 759328733 told a joke. I heard bits of it.

"A giraffe.......and 985749228 said "how many...................................because he was a.........." 593029834 and 249850435 laughed so hard I came out of my reverie.

"Oh man that was funny, what did you think 392745926?"

 "Oh yeah" I said "really great."

Then the waiter came with our food. We ate. It went like this:

We held hands around the table and quietly gave thanks for our food. Then there was a bit of commotion while we all passed a bit of our dish to everyone else, and shook hands with the people immediately to our left and right. The idea was that everyone would get to try all the dishes and no one would be left out. Then there was another silence, as we meditated on the food. Then it was all hubbub and sound as we ate and talked.

The talk eventually turned to work, as it always seems to do whenever I hang out with people (friends I guess) from work. The general consensus was that we all hated it, and why not? We certainly shouldn't love our work, no-one loves work. That's how we were taught, that's how we lived.

"God I hate it," said 249850435, "All that headwork, Jerry plus George divided by the cosine of Frederick, all that over Tom Clark to the Harriet. It's like they want us to go insane."

"They do want us to go insane, why else would they put you in our department." 593029834 laughed like it was a funny joke.

"I don't know, I kind of like all those names." I said, "I mean, how can you not find those interesting?"

"Oh for Christ's sake 392745926, they're names! Names are supposed to be boring, how can you find them interesting?"

And for the first time, I came face to face with the fact that I didn't really know why it was interesting to me, the just were; I can't say I did a good job explaining it.

"Ever since I first heard about them I was interested." Wow did that sound corny. That was it, I was done. Done with the stupid talk about work, done with the coming to the same cafe every morning, done with 593029834 and 249850435 done with all of it. Just done. Actually 759328733, was alright, just so long as he felt like you agreed with him.

"You know what? I don't have to explain myself to you, you don't know me, you don't even know if I am married, so just stop, ok?"

"Woah, no need to get uppity 392745926, it was just a question."

"Fine." And I went back to my ovis duos frixam. The talk wandered around for a bit, before circling back to work.

"You know what I really hate? Is when the-"

"593029834, no one cares what you hate, for god's sake shut up about it already!" I said. They all stared at me for a good minute. Complete silence for a whole minute.





"I'm done, see you guys later." I got up and left, simple as that. They stared some more, then went right back to talking about work.